This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
