like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
