The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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