I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
