I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
