She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
