This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize