Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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