Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
