That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize