There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
