i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
