you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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