when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize