she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
