My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
