How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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