we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize