I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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