I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize