My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
