Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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