There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
