you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
