I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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