I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
