Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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