She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
