and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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