the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
