I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
