dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
