He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
