If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
