I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm passing your future prison.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
