I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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