last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
