I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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