hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
