also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
