dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I won the penis lottery.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
