it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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