Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
