i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
