Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Green mimosas i think yes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
