I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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