I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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