Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
