found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
