I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
