I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
