maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
