Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
