Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
