it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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