my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
