They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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