My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
