Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
