Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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