I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
