I hope mine doesn't look like that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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