if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
