whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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