it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
