Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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