Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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