I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He shit in the fireplace
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
