I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
