there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
