If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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