I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
