A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
