i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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