I'm so fucking centered right now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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