Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She bit a glass in half.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
