I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
