so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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