Moan for me like Helen Keller
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
