from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
