no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize