Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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