I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
