So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
