I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
