one might say we're banned from that church
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
