That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize