the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
