How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
