I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
