I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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