I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
