You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
