based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
