Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
