He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
