my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
